My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
