you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
