We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
