I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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