Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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