Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
