based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
