just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
