I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
