WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
