Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
