I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
