a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize