Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize