I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
