Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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