3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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