I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
