so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
