WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
