We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So much Jack, so little girl.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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