My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize