you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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