oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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