Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
