so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
