I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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