marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
