If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
