hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
