did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
