Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize