its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize