im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
