Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
