Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize