she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
