the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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