We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
