The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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