First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk is not a location!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
