is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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