Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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