A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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