He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
