Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
