u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
