I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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