I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
