I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
