So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
