I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
