The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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