i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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