cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
