i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
