Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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