we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
