when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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