she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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