Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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