Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
