Can Purell be used as lube?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize