your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
