Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
