so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
