Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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