sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
