i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
