That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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