I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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