Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
