had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
