Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
