Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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